Monday, August 17, 2009

a bear's inaugural moutain ride

After nearly two years of prodding, the lady bear recently came on her very first mountain cycle ride. Unfortunately, it was cut short.

From Drop Box


We rode in Boyce Park (the land of no maps and an incredibly confusing trail system), and not surprisingly, she was enjoying mountain biking more than rail trails. We were just riding along (I've found 'just riding along' to be a prerequisite for accidents or gear failure) when suddenly a rodent of a very unusual size burst forth from a hole and reared up in front of the lady bear. It snarled baring its sharp teeth as saliva dripped down its fur. There was malice in its beady little eyes.

The lady bear cried out and tried to avoid what we have come to believe was a whistle pig, but it lunged at her and slashed at her thigh. In an instant I drew off my glove and threw it at the rodent, challenging it to a gentleman’s duel to the death. He accepted by wagging his stubby tail and twitching his whiskers.

I unsheathed my seat post and took up a fencing stance. The creature charged me, but I did not falter. When the rodent was only inches from my face, I sidestepped and swung my saddle, landing a well aimed blow to the animal’s temple and dispatching him in midair.

Small woodland people appeared from hiding places in the forest and rejoiced the death of the terrible beast. They sang songs well into the night, and the Lady Bear decided that she would certainly come mountain cycling again, but for now we should make the journey home to get some Neosporin and a band aid, as the woodland peoples had no modern medicine.

at least, that’s the story we've been telling people

3 comments:

tessikins said...

i love you.

volleygirl said...

All hail the whistle pig slayer.

tessikins said...

this is quite hilarious, my dear friend. and you should remove the fine print, because we all know the story is completely true :)
oddly, i noticed that this entry is a different color..