Wednesday, March 30, 2011

damn you ohio

The sun was sunning and the enormous pickup trucks were out to warm their duel 39"s:

Colleen and I thought it would be a great day to go mountain biking.

We were wrong;

We went to Reagan Park in Medina. The mud was like cement mixed with clumping cat litter.

After about 3/4 of a mile we realized we needed to turn back. Couldn't even push the bikes without the wheels clogging up and locking.

I tried rinsing stuff off in a little cesspool, but I only succeeded in making my bike smell like rotten deer meat and feces.

If I stood up and sprinted I could shake most of the mud off of my Conti tires, but the Geax's on Colleen's Karate Monkey refused to shed anything.

So we rode around in a parking lot until Colleen's friend, Suz, finished running. Then we went to lunch in a cafe that was complete with a girl sitting in a corner wearing a purple beret:

Feeling very uncultured and beret-less, I was inspired to read an issue of Wine Spectator. I gave up after the first 30 pages of old guys looking at grapes.

I was talking to Suz about where she was going in the Peace Corps next year, and she mentioned that she would really miss Ohio. I was incredulous.

"I just love the land. How flat and the same everything is. I've been running over this pot hole for four years. My first year it was just a big hole. Then Sophmore year they filled it in, and Junior year it was black and tarry. Now this year it's starting to get a dent in it, and I step on it every day. I'll miss that pot hole."

I stared at her with my mouth open. She loved Ohio for all the reasons I hated it. I told her she should try Kansas.


Anonymous said...

.Awwww.... my wife calls me "dear meat." ~ dicky

Colleen said...

Someone should link to this adventure on failblog.

I take that back. Someone should just put a picture of Ohio up on failblog.

dicky said...

Where's my anonymous, well thought out comment?


Anonymous said...

Thats what you get for skipping out on the Mash, it fucking sucked.

Montana said...

I don't know where it went dear meat, but it showed up in my email.

And glad you had a good time Chris. The streams looked swell

Anonymous said...

Yea....I was behind the guy crashing into the creek on the first lap. I did 2 more and quit.