Thursday, March 17, 2011

promiscuous nissan jukes and rotten couches

I was listening to the skatilites on Pandora and going about my rat killing watching a ball python kill a rat, when the music stopped for an ad.

We put a turbo in the Nissan Juke so you can be as promiscuous with the ladies as you are with your music!

I have a number of problems with this.

I've never met a girl that was impressed out of her pants by car, let alone a Japanese economy suv thing.

I don't appreciate that google tracks my every move on line, knows that I'm a young male, knows I like stupid looking cars, and knows that I have casual sex with my Pandora stations.

And lastly, putting a turbo in a car that looks like a retarded manatee trapped inside a Sketchers Shape-Up is not going to allow me to have "sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis."

Unless I can find a girl that's really turned on by sea-life and bad tennis shoes.

I did ride my bike yesterday, and I was going to come on here today and talk about how great it is to be a mountain biker in Western PA.

Then I ran into a branch that forced it's way up my nasal passage and made contact with my brain, killing the area that allows me to love Pennsylvania.

So here's my ride. There was a decayed couch. Yellow and orange shot gun shells. Slag heaps. An empty case of Keystone Lite. And some muddy ATV trails.


Jason said...

My ride today (not in Western PA) yielded two dead deer, 2 dead possum, a dead raccoon complete with crow poked out eyes, a discarded TV, a couch, a mattress. No sticks in nasal passages though. I was going to say something about the Juke but I don't want a million ads popping for it. DOH!

Montana said...

Well you just said Juke. Now it's too late.

Colleen said...

Today while I was running I saw a bunch of bearded old men ripping the Florida trails on crabon mountain bikes. And then a snake. And then some super-fit FSU runners almost ran us over and made us feel really self-conscious about our bodies.


Endo_2011 said...

are you sure the Keystone lite case was empty......hard to believe, even for western PA!

Justin said...

Let me know when you want to ride past old couches together - I need to try to keep up with you on a few rides to get in shape for hillybilly.

Shred said...

I was going to say 'Ah! You were riding the slag heaps outside of frick park' and then I thought fuck that's like saying I write software on a team with several dozen far east imagrants... you pretty much could be riding anywhere in western pa.

Justin said...

P.S. Try Grooveshark - no commercials.

Montana said...

That Keystone case was drained. But maybe the guys with the shotguns were using the cans for target practice

Ryan said...

I couldn't help but remember this post when I saw this.